Growing up in the
heart of the city when I was a little girl was rough for me. As a child I was
exposed to a lot of yelling and fussing with older couples arguing back and fourth
about many issues that were not appropriate for kids or anyone in the
neighborhood to hear. Many of my family
members especially on my father’s side of the family were scared to visit me
because of the condition of my grandmother’s row home, I remember as a young
girl about ten years of age , my uncle came to visit me and refused to get out of his car
or roll his windows all the way down. I knew as a young girl that my visions
were bigger than raising my kids like that if I ever became a mother. I always
was a little upset as a child because all my friends were able to hang out, go
to sleepovers and stay out later accept me. Now that I am older I look at the
past and I can say thank you grandma for all that you taught me. Many kids in
the neighborhood young men and women always wanted to compete with the other
kids in the neighborhood or brag about all the unsupervised privileges they
were allowed to have. Sometimes I felt odd and angry because I was raised by a
loving grandmother that never cared about what other kids’ parents allowed them
to do and she stood her ground. When she said no she meant no. There was no
bargaining or asking over and over. It was going to be her way or no way. It
did not matter if I liked her decision or not. Even if I didn’t wear the latest
fashion like the rest of the kids, my house ground rules were it’s not what you
wear on your back that defines who you are and will become. Our life styles
were awkward compared to the average families I visited. Many of the kids could
eat dinner when they became hungry while in our family we had to makes sure our
hands were washed and we all sat down and ate food together. We were the
typical thankful large family, we had to show respect to anyone that was older
than us, we had to have manners such as thank you please may I have some. We
also could not eat anything before dinner time no candy was allowed and TV only
could be watched on the weekends. We also had a lot of family that would visit
and other parents of my friends were able to correct us if we were wrong.
I really was not ever happy about
the schools I had to attend such as my elementary school Collonigton Square
Elementary. From kindergarten through fifth grade I felt a lot of peer pressure at such young age. First
of all I was raised by my grandmother and she was not trying to hear about all
the latest fashions that my friends was wearing. I recall the day of when my
best friend had got her high top Reeboks and I had to wear some imitation
Reeboks that was called prowings. I was embarrassed because in gym class
everyone made fun of me so as I sat back and looked back and defined the word
bully. In my own definition I believe
that bullying always existed. I felt I was bullied many years ago in elementary
school such as not having name brand clothes like my peers.
Elementary School was not great
because I felt as though I didn’t learn much there especially academically I
know it was the school because I was never in special education classes and I
did receive a high school diploma. Many times school was closed early
especially on Wednesday. Every Wednesday was a half of day never understood the
purpose of that and even to this day Baltimore city public schools still let
out a half of day. With such shortage that Baltimore City schools offer I don’t
think that schools should ever be closed early. Sometimes schools were closed
because of disruptive behavior from many peers. The saddest part about being in
Elementary School was that even though my grandmother was older than most of my friends’ parents she
was well respected and carried herself with class and she was remembered and
liked for her great characteristics she had about herself, while on the other
hand many of my peers’ parents were ignorant loud and rude so that made their
children feel ashamed of them and embarrassed . As I grew older and became wiser instead of me being angry about
my limited privileges I became thankful for them . Most of my friends that were
able to go and come as they please and had unlimited supervision had ended up
on drugs, had many kids, dropped out of high school some even dropped out of
middle school. Many of the males that I grew up with they also became troubled
and problem kids because of the lack of supervision they had , the ones that
would get everything they wanted turned to the streets to keep up with the
style when their parents were laid off or could not afford to keep them in the
latest fashion.
When looking back at all that I
been bought through I thank GOD and my grandmother that I made it. My mind and
heart began to say thank you to my grandmother. There is no imaginary story
that I could vision where I would have been if it had not been for my
grandmother . I’m so thankful I did not have privileges like my friends. I became even
more thankful because she taught me how
to appreciate life and she taught me a life time of values that I will never
forget. Just because you were raised and born in the ghetto doesn’t mean you can’t
become somebody important.
When I had to transition to middle
school it got a little bit better as far
as self esteem but violence and the KK
scared us along with the punk rockers. Many kids were in gangs back then in the
early eighties it’s just that the gangs were not as violent as the ones that
exist now, at least in high school we did have many after school programs and
the rules changed for us.
In high school it was less of a
fashion statement because we had a dress code. We could not wear leather
jewelry or expensive tennis for our principal felt this type of dress code would
lead to some form of jealousy. If you didn’t fit in it was other people and groups you could join that
were similar to your characteristics. Many counselors were walking throughout
the halls making sure everyone was getting to class and if there were problems
they were addressed immediately. There were
less phone calls and many meetings where the parents had to meet with
the teachers and the principals. My great happiness coming from a poor
neighborhood was to have my first summer school job and earn my own money. I
loved when I would be given a chance to be able to stay out past seven o’clock.
I really became responsible enough to come home on time.
One of my biggest mistakes that I
ever experience after moving away from the neighborhood was that I had made the
wrong decisions about raising my kids trying to buy them everything they wanted
even if they did not need it. I was not raised to waste money as a child. I
wanted them to have more than me that is why I moved into the county to make
their life better than mine. County schools are better than Baltimore city. I
will continue to do my best and make sure that I would be able to expose them
to more activities outside of the neighborhood. I also wish that technology would not have changed
so that my kids are exposed to so many gadgets. In some ways it is a good
technology to know how to use I just have to monitor my children and make sure
that they’re not using the gadgets for the wrong reason.
Even after I became a mother I
change a lot of habits around. Instead of me spending late nights up on the
phone talking and going out with friends I began to cherish my moments with my
kids before and after school. A lot of times my oldest son would ask me why
cant I go outside I told him no because he had to read study and complete more
pages out a work book I bought from Sam’s club store. I don’t believe in
purchasing a lot of books, however I do believe in making sure my kids go to
the library. There are so many activities and learning experiences held at the
library that I didn’t know about so now we go as a family and games are only
played on the weekends and I try to keep them in so many sports and activities
that they will be wore out and would not want to watch TV. Another family activity
that we do together is board games and we talk about what happened at their
school on a daily basis. We discuss our family budget so when we go out to the
stores they know how much money their parents have before they start asking for
a lot of items. We go to the thrift store a lot and they find and pick out good
items and are very thankful for the thrift stores and realize how much money
they can save out of their own piggy banks if they would only shop a little
smart. I teach them about sale items and how quickly clothing and sneakers lose
their values in such little time. I had this conversation at my kitchen table
with all three of my sons and gave them an example what I talking about. The
first example was about tennis shoes
many kids get hook on Jordan and different types of Nike tennis. As soon
as the company release a new pair of Nike or Jordan’s the ones that came out
before those ones have lost their value but may be the same style as the first
pair just another color so you can wait
for sales. Another example of clothing losing value is Polo shirts. Many guys
love polo shirts. The only way you can distinguish the more updated polo shirt,
is the changing of the color that determines if you are willing to pay one
hundred dollars for one shirt. I also teach my sons that your bills come before
your wants, always try to pay your bills on time and never take out additional
loans if they’re not needed, prioritize your school work and watch your grades
get you into a good college, stay physically fit and watch your health get you
lower insurance. I am determined to do many great activities and communicate
with their concerns more than my family did with me as a child.
