Growing Up in the Heart of the City

Growing up in the heart of the city when I was a little girl was rough for me. As a child I was exposed to a lot of yelling and fussing with older couples arguing back and fourth about many issues that were not appropriate for kids or anyone in the neighborhood to hear.  Many of my family members especially on my father’s side of the family were scared to visit me because of the condition of my grandmother’s row home, I remember as a young girl about ten years of age , my uncle came  to visit me and refused to get out of his car or roll his windows all the way down. I knew as a young girl that my visions were bigger than raising my kids like that if I ever became a mother. I always was a little upset as a child because all my friends were able to hang out, go to sleepovers and stay out later accept me. Now that I am older I look at the past and I can say thank you grandma for all that you taught me. Many kids in the neighborhood young men and women always wanted to compete with the other kids in the neighborhood or brag about all the unsupervised privileges they were allowed to have. Sometimes I felt odd and angry because I was raised by a loving grandmother that never cared about what other kids’ parents allowed them to do and she stood her ground. When she said no she meant no. There was no bargaining or asking over and over. It was going to be her way or no way. It did not matter if I liked her decision or not. Even if I didn’t wear the latest fashion like the rest of the kids, my house ground rules were it’s not what you wear on your back that defines who you are and will become. Our life styles were awkward compared to the average families I visited. Many of the kids could eat dinner when they became hungry while in our family we had to makes sure our hands were washed and we all sat down and ate food together. We were the typical thankful large family, we had to show respect to anyone that was older than us, we had to have manners such as thank you please may I have some. We also could not eat anything before dinner time no candy was allowed and TV only could be watched on the weekends. We also had a lot of family that would visit and other parents of my friends were able to correct us if we were wrong.

I really was not ever happy about the schools I had to attend such as my elementary school Collonigton Square Elementary. From kindergarten through fifth grade I felt  a lot of peer pressure at such young age. First of all I was raised by my grandmother and she was not trying to hear about all the latest fashions that my friends was wearing. I recall the day of when my best friend had got her high top Reeboks and I had to wear some imitation Reeboks that was called prowings. I was embarrassed because in gym class everyone made fun of me so as I sat back and looked back and defined the word bully.  In my own definition I believe that bullying always existed. I felt I was bullied many years ago in elementary school such as not having name brand clothes like my peers.  

Elementary School was not great because I felt as though I didn’t learn much there especially academically I know it was the school because I was never in special education classes and I did receive a high school diploma. Many times school was closed early especially on Wednesday. Every Wednesday was a half of day never understood the purpose of that and even to this day Baltimore city public schools still let out a half of day. With such shortage that Baltimore City schools offer I don’t think that schools should ever be closed early. Sometimes schools were closed because of disruptive behavior from many peers. The saddest part about being in Elementary School was that even though my grandmother  was older than most of my friends’ parents she was well respected and carried herself with class and she was remembered and liked for her great characteristics she had about herself, while on the other hand many of my peers’ parents were ignorant loud and rude so that made their children feel ashamed of them and embarrassed . As I grew older and  became wiser instead of me being angry about my limited privileges I became thankful for them . Most of my friends that were able to go and come as they please and had unlimited supervision had ended up on drugs, had many kids, dropped out of high school some even dropped out of middle school. Many of the males that I grew up with they also became troubled and problem kids because of the lack of supervision they had , the ones that would get everything they wanted turned to the streets to keep up with the style when their parents were laid off or could not afford to keep them in the latest fashion.

When looking back at all that I been bought through I thank GOD and my grandmother that I made it. My mind and heart began to say thank you to my grandmother. There is no imaginary story that I could vision where I would have been if it had not been for my grandmother . I’m so thankful  I did not  have privileges like my friends. I became even more  thankful because she taught me how to appreciate life and she taught me a life time of values that I will never forget. Just because you were raised and born in the ghetto doesn’t mean you can’t become somebody important.

When I had to transition to middle school it got a little bit better as  far as self esteem but violence and  the KK scared us along with the punk rockers. Many kids were in gangs back then in the early eighties it’s just that the gangs were not as violent as the ones that exist now, at least in high school we did have many after school programs and the rules changed for us.

In high school it was less of a fashion statement because we had a dress code. We could not wear leather jewelry or expensive tennis for our principal felt this type of dress code would lead to some form of jealousy. If you didn’t fit in it was  other people and groups you could join that were similar to your characteristics. Many counselors were walking throughout the halls making sure everyone was getting to class and if there were problems they were addressed immediately. There were  less phone calls and many meetings where the parents had to meet with the teachers and the principals. My great happiness coming from a poor neighborhood was to have my first summer school job and earn my own money. I loved when I would be given a chance to be able to stay out past seven o’clock. I really became responsible enough to come home on time.

One of my biggest mistakes that I ever experience after moving away from the neighborhood was that I had made the wrong decisions about raising my kids trying to buy them everything they wanted even if they did not need it. I was not raised to waste money as a child. I wanted them to have more than me that is why I moved into the county to make their life better than mine. County schools are better than Baltimore city. I will continue to do my best and make sure that I would be able to expose them to more activities outside of the neighborhood. I also  wish that technology would not have changed so that my kids are exposed to so many gadgets. In some ways it is a good technology to know how to use I just have to monitor my children and make sure that they’re not using the gadgets for the wrong reason.

Even after I became a mother I change a lot of habits around. Instead of me spending late nights up on the phone talking and going out with friends I began to cherish my moments with my kids before and after school. A lot of times my oldest son would ask me why cant I go outside I told him no because he had to read study and complete more pages out a work book I bought from Sam’s club store. I don’t believe in purchasing a lot of books, however I do believe in making sure my kids go to the library. There are so many activities and learning experiences held at the library that I didn’t know about so now we go as a family and games are only played on the weekends and I try to keep them in so many sports and activities that they will be wore out and would not want to watch TV. Another family activity that we do together is board games and we talk about what happened at their school on a daily basis. We discuss our family budget so when we go out to the stores they know how much money their parents have before they start asking for a lot of items. We go to the thrift store a lot and they find and pick out good items and are very thankful for the thrift stores and realize how much money they can save out of their own piggy banks if they would only shop a little smart. I teach them about sale items and how quickly clothing and sneakers lose their values in such little time. I had this conversation at my kitchen table with all three of my sons and gave them an example what I talking about. The first example was about tennis shoes  many kids get hook on Jordan and different types of Nike tennis. As soon as the company release a new pair of Nike or Jordan’s the ones that came out before those ones have lost their value but may be the same style as the first pair just another color so you  can wait for sales. Another example of clothing losing value is Polo shirts. Many guys love polo shirts. The only way you can distinguish the more updated polo shirt, is the changing of the color that determines if you are willing to pay one hundred dollars for one shirt. I also teach my sons that your bills come before your wants, always try to pay your bills on time and never take out additional loans if they’re not needed, prioritize your school work and watch your grades get you into a good college, stay physically fit and watch your health get you lower insurance. I am determined to do many great activities and communicate with their concerns more than my family did with me as a child.